In Defense of the Happy Ending

Posted by Merry in Merry's Blog      5 comments

Apr
15

The other day I was looking through the blogs of a few of my favorite authors, and I came across a review of a newly released novel on a well-known fantasy publishing site. The reviewer was quite complimentary of the new book, but her review culminated with special praise of the fact that the protagonists (who are lesbian, by the way) go their separate ways at the end of the novel rather than choosing to stay together. She went on to say how much she dislikes books that try to claim that “love conquers all.” Now, this may have been because of the particular age group this book was written for, and from that perspective I don’t entirely disagree; but this got me thinking, a lot, last night.

I’m going to be perfectly frank here. I love, love, LOVE the theme of “love conquers all.” I love it because I believe in it wholeheartedly. And I believe in it not because I have some naïve giddy romantic idea that true love, once discovered, will transform one’s life into a fairytale forest of chirping birdies and squirrels that sit on your shoulder and unicorns that prance through the meadows and streaming rainbows and sunshine and sparkles everywhere… No, I believe in it because I believe that love is about 30% emotion, and 70% determination. I believe that love is a choice you make, consciously, to prioritize someone else in your heart through both the happy-fluffy-sparkly times and the dull-frustrating-angry-sad-painful times. You make that choice every day, sometimes even multiple times during the day, if needed. ^~ The tricky part is, it has to be chosen by both partners actively and daily in order for it to work. Either one gives up, moves on, decides they’re bored or it’s not worth it or their own interests are more important or there are greener pastures somewhere else – then nope, it’s not going to conquer a darned thing.

And true love is rare, I’ll give you that. It is not always easy to find someone who you fit with well enough that choosing them is a delight more often than it’s a struggle. And even when you do find such a person, there’s always the risk that they won’t feel the same about you. Most human beings, I think, desire this connection on at least some level, and spend a good portion of their lives looking for it. A few are lucky enough to find it. You know the ones – the little old couple in their eighties who, after fifty years of marriage, still hold each other’s hands as they rock back and forth on the porch of their nursing home. Does it happen for everyone? Sadly, no. But it’s very much what I want for myself, in my own life. And I would venture to say, based on the popularity of romance novels and sappy-ending movies and prince-gets-the-girl fairy tales and pretty much every song written by Taylor Swift, that I’m not the only person who dreams of having a love like that in my life.

(Ask that little old couple about their relationship, though, and you’re sure to get an earful of the trials and tribulations they had to navigate in order to be on that porch together fifty years later. True love is powerful and wonderful, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a hell of a lot of hard work, even terribly painful sometimes.)

But that is why I like my happy endings, goshdarnit. I’m not into “realism;” I’ve got plenty of that to deal with in my daily life. I read romance and fantasy because I want an escape from realism. I read because I want to be reminded that love does exist, and it is possible to find it, that it’s so worth fighting for, and that—if you make it important enough to you—it WILL conquer all. I read because it gives me hope and courage and faith, and I return to my own life and relationships with a refreshed determination to nurture the love I’ve been blessed with because it’s worth the extra effort. And this is especially important to me when it comes to lesbian stories, because the popular trend in so many lesbian movies, etc. is to give the characters a “realistic” ending, wherein they realize their relationship won’t work out and move on, forever trying to recapture what they had with that first love and looking back on it with a wistful c’est la vie smile. (Kissing Jessica Stein had me shucking objects around my living room in absolute fury.) Realistic? Maybe. But is that really the message we want to send—that lesbians don’t believe in happily-ever-after? That we don’t want it just as much as our straight friends? As far as I’m concerned, the last message we should be sending is that lesbian women should have no expectation that their relationships will last. It rather implies that their love isn’t as “real” as heterosexual love, that it is perhaps just a phase or whim (and following that line of logic, may even imply that queer people really are just confused, maybe even a little mentally unstable…?)

Now, I’m not going to stand here and declare that every story I ever write will have a happy ending. I don’t know what kind of a writer I’ll be in ten years, or twenty. And I’m definitely not going to promise that, once I’ve given a particular couple a happy ending in one book, they’re going to get to hang onto it with ease if I write sequels. I absolutely believe in realism when it comes to showing the complexity and difficulty that one faces when navigating life in partnership with someone else. I just – still – believe that ultimately, Love Conquers All… if you want it badly enough.

I’ll still read, watch and enjoy the more “realistic” stories because I can appreciate good storytelling even when the endings leave me disgruntled and unsatisfied. I will grant the writers license to tell me the story they want to tell, with the themes and statements they want to make, because it’s their story and far be it from me to dictate to them how to tell it. If I have to, I’ll rewrite the ending in my own imagination so that it doesn’t sour the beauty of the rest of the story for me. But I will write the stories that I want to read – and you can rest assured that in my books, no matter how tragic or angst-driven or dark, somehow and in some way love will conquer all, every single time.

‘Fraid my readers will just have to deal with it. :P

5 Comments to “In Defense of the Happy Ending”

• April 15, 2011 at 8:53 am
  Leah says:

  It’s like you have read my mind. This explains perfectly my feeling about happy endings in romance novels. About 95% of my novel reading and movie watching is used as an escape. I want to be brought into a story with a basis in realism (as you point out, it can’t all be rainbows and flowers, there has to be a real sense of how difficult love can be) but in the end I want my happy ending. I agree wholeheartedly that love is hard work and it can never survive if it is all one sided. The fun in Romance novels of all genres is the struggle to get to that illusive end point.

  Your points about the validity of lesbian relationships and their portrayal in (mainstream) movies are extremely important. We struggle everyday to get it across to society that we are not ‘lesser’ and should be taken as seriously as straight couples. Movies that show that negativity just reinforce the notion that we’re all just waiting for the right man or that we don’t deserve love. With the limited visibility we have it can also have a detrimental affect on the viewers that are already struggling with their sexuality and many believe that they themselves aren’t worthy (I have a friend that suffers from internalised homophobia and I truly believe she is impacted by such portrayals)

  I will add that although I love your writing so much that I’d probably read your novels regardless of the outcome I am happy that you portray the notion that love conquers all in such an eloquent way. Looking forward to the next one!

  Reply
  • April 15, 2011 at 9:13 am
    Merry says:

    Ah, thank you so much for the comment! (and the compliment too *blush*)

    I worry, so much, what these grittier more “realistic” portrayals of lesbians in mass media are really saying to their audience. The L Word is another one that I struggle with. I loved watching it, thought it was dramatic and funny and relatable in so many ways, but sheesh… there was not a single happy couple on that show. Not one. Even the Bette/Tina relationship made me angry (mostly because Bette is a person who, if I knew her in real life, I would avoid like the plague and never, ever be friends with, much less enter into a relationship with) with their whole “cheating-separation-ooh now I’m straight-cheating again-yay we’re reconciled” rollercoaster. But that is a tangent for another day. ^~ The point is, this was the one show that queer women could to point to and say look, this is something just for us. And yet the message was clear: lesbian culture is nothing but drama, hook-ups, maybe even playing house with someone for a while, and then being bffs with your ex when you’re ready to move on to the next sexual adventure. And yes, I do see that a lot in lesbian culture to be sure (just like it occurs in heterosexual relationships) but there are nonetheless PLENTY of women who meet, fall in love, commit to one another, create a life and family together, and STICK IT OUT. Not one of those was represented on this show that was supposed to be representative of our lives and loves.

    *eyes the above* Wow, I didn’t mean to type up a whole ‘nother blog’s worth of commentary, there… but the topic’s been weighing so heavily on my mind today. *grins*

    Thank you again!! <3

    *~Merry~*

    Reply
• April 15, 2011 at 6:12 pm
  Van says:

  This is an amazing post, and not just for romance in novels, but for life in general. Just, thank you. You put it down in a way my closed off self never could. :)

  Reply
  • April 17, 2011 at 11:28 am
    Merry says:

    Aw, thanks, Van! <3 I appreciate that. *^^*

    Reply
• June 19, 2011 at 3:19 pm
  Aurora Moon says:

  I think the issue that most people have with happy endings in general, is that there’s a lack of variety in those stories’ endings…. whenever it be gay or straight.

  person meets love interest, they fight/argue about things, then fall in love during their epic adventure/journey together.. then they get married and have kids, then that’s it. end of story.

  that’s basically all love stories (with happy endings) distilled.

  take the ending to the Harry Potter series for instance. Everyone I knew agreed that the ending where literally EVERY young character was now married with 2.4 kids seemed too abrupt. Rowlings JUST Had to overdo the heteronormativity AND end it with an strongly cliche ending. After all, not every kid is going to get married and have kids pronto after they finish high school, are they? so why should it be like this in the wizarding world?

  I’m more in favor of a different kind of happy ending– where things are kind of more open-ended… everyone’s getting along at last, but they’re not oozing romantic mush nor ending the story with a wedding or the arrival of kids. They’re just happy to be alive after such a ordeal, and decide to travel together off into the sunset/galaxy/whatever for their next adventure.

  the harry potter ending, for instance, would had fared better if they didn’t have everyone suddenly be married and already having kids. it should had just showed them as young adults in their new jobs, foraging truces with old enemies like Draco, and just commenting how much happy they were now that they no longer had to worry about “You-know-who” and could move on with their lives.

  sure, it leave some ties open but that’s what fanfic is for. at least this is just my opinion. come to think of it, I actually liked the alternate endings in some harry potter fan-fiction better… even the one where everyone’s gay and acting as each other’s beards. *LOL* that one was silly, but still far more realistic than the original ending.

  I once read this compelling story about this american boy who went to a British boarding school, because his parents were moving to England or the UK for some job or something. Anyway this was set during the 19th century when the “fagging system” was still in place. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fagging
  anyway, during his stay there he discovers that maybe he’s not as straight as he was led to think himself as… and what’s more, he actually kind of enjoyed being dominated, which embarrassed him once the other boys found him out. There was some unnecessary sex scenes with him and his “fagmaster”..
  but what grabbed my attention about this story was this young guy was just trying to figure out where the heck he fit in in the world, and trying to deal with the homophobia of the time alongside trying to ward off an young bully’s unwanted advances towards him. some parts were really depressing, but it had this really unique happy ending I liked.
  For one thing, his parents finally accepted that their son wasn’t straight, and there was no “fixing” that…they accepted him back as their son. He also had a stronger sense of self-identity thanks to his life experiences, and were now able to stand up for himself and others like him. The story ended with him going back to America, and it was strongly implied that he had found somebody who would love him for who he was back there, and not just because of what he could give the other person.

  That’s the sort of ending I like… where everyone comes to an understanding, finally accepts each other and everyone goes away enlightened by the experience :)
  I wish I could remember the name of the story… I would like to read it again.

  Reply

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